Heart of the Matter
by candyflavordlies
Summary: A moment in time in which Kagome and Inuyasha discuss why it is he can't seem to let Kikyo go. Set very early in the first season.


_Author's Notes: I personally think Kikyo is the devil, but she wasn't always like that. Although she's trying to break-up a happy home, I can see why Inuyasha can't find it in himself to let go._

**Heart of the Matter**

Inuyasha sits on the floor by Kagome's bed. The young woman seems anxious and it's setting him on edge. But he's learned the hard way it's better to wait for her to come to him.

Thirty minutes later and she's still tossing and turning. He's about to break the silence but Kagome beats him to it.

"Why can't you choose?" Inuyasha's hand freezes over his mouth. If he hadn't been yawning, he might have choked. He barely holds back a frustrated growl. She's always asking those questions, heavy with emotion and accusations. And she always had a way of making him feel uncomfortable and undeniably guilty. He drops his hand to the floor and fingers the carpet beside him.

"Why do I have to?" Kagome's breath catches in her throat. Her first instinct is to sit him, roll over and cry herself to sleep. Except that his voice lacks it's normal arrogant ignorance. He's asking an honest question, thought the situation is all too complicated. She stares at his ears twitching side to side as she thinks of something to say. Something non-selfish and logical. But she can't and there's no point in lying, so she tells the truth.

"I don't know where I stand with you, Inuyasha. One day you're having dinner with my family, the next you're chasing Kikyo in the middle of the night. I don't want to have to worry that one of these days she really will drag you off to hell." She props herself up on her elbow. The young miko has been trying to redraw his lines of personal contact, convince him that it's all right to be touched and touch back. She uses that to her advantage as Kagome reaches out to glide her fingers through a few strands of silver hair. Briefly, his eyes catch hers before turning away.

"I ain't young, ya know?" He shakes his head as if it's just occurring to him. "Keh! 200 years old. Kikyo sealed me and everyone I knew was either dead or old and gray by the time I met you." Inuyasha pauses when he hears the bedroom door creak open. The fat cat creeps softly across the carpet and climbs into his lap. Buyo uses his front claws to tuft the red fabric and make a suitable resting place. "But, even if I wasn't sealed, it would have happened anyway. Everyone would age and I'd be the same. The human village I grew up in is long gone. And I was never wanted in the youkai tribes. It wasn't like there was anyone for me to grow up with. By accepting the Shikon Jewel, Kikyo agree to guard it until a final resting place could be found. No matter how long that took. She would have outlived everyone she knew."

Except him. Long after she buried the aged body of her younger sister, the miko would still roam the earth. The thought always brought a selfish ray of hope to his half demon heart, always drew out that shameful, hurtful need for companionship. Something to signify that those words thrown at him so callously weren't true. That he wasn't destined and deserving of walking a lifetime alone.

Kagome continues to stroke his soft glimmering mane as she absorbs what he's saying.

And she's beginning to feel not only guilty, but foolish.

Of course it would be hard for him to give up Kikyo. She knows from many a late night chats that save for Myoga, Inuyasha had no one he could call a friend. If the people he met weren't scared of him, they despised him. The latter applied to the youkai tribes as well.

It only made sense that a woman like Kikyo would attract his attention and gain his trust. It made perfect sense that Inuyasha would do anything to protect the first and only friend he'd known in over a century. Even more so the woman he loved. And it was damned uncaring, unthinking of Kagome to assume she had the right to ask him to give that up. And although it made her soul hurt to think it, being undead offered Kikyo eternal 'life', and Inuyasha a companion long after Kagome, or even Miroku and Sango were dead.

"Gomen, Inuyasha."

"Eh?" He whispers as he stares down at Buyo and pulls his paws.

"I think." She clears her throat hoping to ease the tightness developing. "I think I understand. And it's unfair of me to ask you to forget about her." And although Kagome completely understands, her heart is breaking just the same.


End file.
